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Sunday, June 29, 2008

Kymaro Glamour Eyes - A Ridiculously Stupid Infomercial

They were originally $39.95 -
Now slashed to $19.95! Like, OMG!
"Are you tired of your short, limp, lousy lashes? Is your mascara just not cutting it anymore? Fed up with metal eyelash curlers that look like torture devices? Then you need Glamour Eyes!"

This is one of the most amazing infomercials I've ever seen. The Kymaro Glamour Eyes - Eyelash Extension Kit. The infomercial claims that "women everywhere now can improve the appearance of their eyes without makeup, creams, or surgery!"

In the infomercial, as well as on the site, there are before and after photos of women without and then with the fake lashes. Of course, the before photos include women wearing no makeup, and the afters include them wearing makeup as well as the lashes. Keep in mind I don't just mean eye makeup, I mean foundation, powder, the works. After all, they have to make the "before" shots look as washed out and dull as possible, right? One look at these women "before" and any man would cringe. "After", and obviously men will be drooling at their feet!

What gets me the most about this all is that, while some of the women do have prettier eyes with longer lashes, on others it looks very unnatural. On one woman it looks to me like she has bat wings on her eyes. It looks kind of creepy, especially since most the images show women facing off to the side, whereas this one is looking directly into the camera.

"Don't go to sleep... I will be watching you!"

In spite of the claims, the women all look very pretty in the before and after shots. Granted I guess it doesn't say that they don't look pretty, but it's implied that they're so much more beautiful after lash extensions.

"Your eyes are the most expressive part of your face, and nothing draws attention to your eyes like thick, luscious lashes." Nothing draws attention like "thick, luscious lashes" - or an eye patch! I don't think I have the patience to apply individual false eyelashes, so I'm going to go with the eye patch. Or perhaps I could try a thick layer of sparkling blue shadow. Yeaaaaah... That's it.

As is typical with infomercials, the girls shown using mascara absolutely have no concept of how to apply it. What's this wand?! What - where - what the hell do I do with this? Where do I put it? Mascara? Do I smear this all over the side of my face? Even better yet, is the typical little skit that infomercials like to throw in, so you don't change the channel. They play a "game" of "Real" or "Fake" and of course the women Ooh and Aah and talk amongst themselves at each photograph. The first is a woman with eyes closed, wearing very obviously (and probably poorly applied) fake lashes. They all express disgust at the appearance and agree that they're very obviously fake, by means of their pink "Real" or "Fake" signs. The next two photos are of women wearing the Kymaro Glamour Eyes lashes, and of course, all girls talk amongst themselves again, agreeing that those must be real. And the hostess, SHOCKINGLY, raises her sign to indicate that no! - they're FAKE! *shock*amazement* Same goes for the next photo. Then the game ends and no one wins anything for playing. THANKS A LOT.

The best part of all this, is the price. For some fake lashes that look like they'll take an 8 hr workday to apply correctly, it will lighten your wallet a full $20 not including S+H (when this post was first written, they were selling for $39.95, but apparently they've slashed the price). Considering the fact that I don't even waste 15 minutes on making sure my hair looks good, I think I'll pass. I'd rather waste my time on other dumb things, like MyCleanPC.


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